There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
