I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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