I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
