you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
What drink are we having for lunch?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
