I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
