Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
