Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I am mentally ready for anal.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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