those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
