i think i have herpe
just one?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
