Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
