I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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