So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
