hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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