I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't deserve a penis
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
