I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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