i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
