I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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