dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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