Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
