she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
