I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
