Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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