I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
