her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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