he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
