So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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