I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
