If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
