Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
