shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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