you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
