I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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