she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
