Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
