After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
