you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
