Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
