Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you had me at cake vodka
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
