After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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