you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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