I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
pray to the hookup gods
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
