haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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