I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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