Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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