When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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