he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
