i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
