it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
