dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
