the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
