Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize