I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
