Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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