You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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