If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize