i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
