fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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