Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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