i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize