Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
