Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
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Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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