last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
