My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
