i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
