He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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