Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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