dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
