I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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