Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
