i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
