Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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