I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
